There is a great emptiness that fills this world; a lack that drains human uniqueness. The suppression of the incompatible by the destruction of individual nonconformity exacts a terrible price; it creates things that work together, no longer fully human. The greater good sought by this process, a functioning society, is eclipsed by the destruction wrought. The blocks of human potential become altered to more easily fit together; but with the internal integrity lost, it renders the structure unsound.
People stand astonished at the carnage and mayhem collapsing about them, but never seem to consider that strength can't be built from weakness. The maimed bear the double burden of such injury; a loss that can't be acknowledged, and a support removed.
What goes down, must come up-a least in some instances. Creating rather than regurging seems increasingly difficult; the head full of hollow echoes resoundingly. Mental ruts run the mind down paths beaten into muck, arriving at destinations long before the trip begins. Is this just aging, or something more insidious, a harbinger of debasements to come. It's not as if the work world requires conscious thought on a regular basis; one of the hallmarks of my gainful employment is the lack of creativity afforded. Still, better to strive for such, than lapse into the mental withering that beckons from the void. Even slightest works bode better than abandoning effort. Hence, the smell of effort in sweat, rather than the sweet stench of idleness.
The dreams are becoming more frightening and frightened. The tiger sized rats, the mutant multi-legged dogs with eyes dripping humors; the entombment, where the last glimpse of light is obscured by the coffin lid--- these seem to tell me of fears unnamed. The floods of sadness and despair that wash upon waking; these tell me more. At the end of one day, and before the start of the next, I drift in a space of dread with increasing frequency. It is the gift of the overlords; the increasing demands in exchange for diminishing compensation; coupled with constant badgering over crumbs of time.
The wheels of inequity grind fine and with greater speed; the land resounds with cries of ravenous hunger and want. The worst loss is that of self; leaving shreds of emotion and thought strewn across days of stress and strife. Hoping for and fearing more the day when the demonic sights are finally obscured by the lid of darkness.
A mind needs thoughts like a sword needs sharpening... to pare a phrase. Somehow, playing Candy Crush for hours on end won't cut it.. The days of stress; being badgered by greedy bastards without regard for anything except their quarterly bonuses take a toll, as does the things done to relieve the sickening feelings it invokes. Complex thoughts and feelings are windowed down; grinding through the minutes by whatever thoughtlessness serves to force the time to pass. The measured reflection, and the careful consideration evaporate, leaving the dregs of emotional damage and disgust. The will to betterment needs to arise, and bring hope and help for me.
Attesting to our faith becomes a test of ourselves; the manner in which we choose to demonstrate what we believe, and the conviction with which these beliefs are held in the face of adversity define our values and our lives. The task of living rather than verbally espousing faith challenges every individual's integrity as far as they are true to themselves; but also provides a method to infuse life with meaning and purpose.
Faith is easily hollowed rather than hallowed; the course of sloth and pride lead to advocating virtue to others while avoiding it ourselves. The most grievous sins seem to be those in which others indulge; while our own, though regrettable, carry less of an affront to nature. Thus, the obligation of witnessing devolves into denunciation, erecting barriers between people designated "good" and "evil". Condemning others often leads to a spiritual blindness, the intoxication of self righteousness numbing senses to shortcomings much closer to home. Energy devoted to exposing failure in others becomes paramount; self improvement resources are greatly diminished and deemed of secondary importance.
Faith serves best when it compels action within, rather than censure without; the most effective method of changing the environment involves expending moral capital upon ourselves. There is little enough power allotted to mold the person over which we have the most control, ourselves, to afford us the luxury of changing others. We suppose that, in our wisdom, we can best choose the course of neighbors when navigating our own way is job enough for many lifetimes. Perhaps it is the distraction of judging others that we use to hide from our own responsibilities; much more pleasant to focus on anything but the primary task at hand.
The worst aspect of castigation lies in its role in moral erosion; indulging in the debasement of others saps the will to create positive change, and leads to a degradation of faith. Raising self can't come at the expense of lowering others; in the end, all become dragged down. Aiding others by a demonstration of virtue is far more instructive, if far more difficult; but it is the effort that makes the task worthwhile. By effecting self improvement we not only show the strength of our convictions, but infuse ourselves with the virtue we claim to value.