Thursday, August 22, 2013

Adrift in sea of uncertainty

Creating an unbalanced personality becomes much easier when one lacks the security of
stability.  The ever-changing flow of information and situations swells over the senses;
swamping sensibilities and causing one to flounder in the course of life.  The facts of any
given day can be the falsehoods of tomorrow; tempting one to cast out any fixed points of
reference in the navigation of personal progress.  The omnipresent here and now becomes
the sum total of existence, the guidance of unchanging values becomes nebulous and seemingly
irrelevant; and advancement itself takes on the properties of a phantom.  In striving for a
truth that remains simply consistent, one loses all perspective of the their current position,
and where to travel next.  Without any real perception of a channel to navigate; one floats
adrift on a sea of uncertainty.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Power, the love of; and/or the hatred within

If a person can be defined most aptly by the difference between what they love and what
they despise; the concept of power has delineated the personal parameters of the modern
age.  It has redefined the relationships humans experience with each other, and with them-
selves; and has been steady eroding the basis of moral  cohesion and stability.  Its ever-
encroaching debasement has overridden other values and beliefs until it has submerged
society under a mire of oblivion that obscures even the most basic principles of
empathy and compassion.  Without a clear understanding of what power means, and how
it warps those it encompasses; its destructive effects threatens every aspect of personal
and social development.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Making my lack of voice be heard

One of the worst things about my long term employment is the gradual dulling of my
thoughts and emotions.  The constant grind of incompetent management and ever
increasing demands for production make my work days feel like long sessions of abuse,
and find my days off diminishing my ability to perceive the situation.

The threat of economic instability rests on my throat like a knife; invoking fear and a
longing to escape that dread by dulling myself.  I have a propensity to slip into
patterns of destructive behavior rather than rouse my intellect and emotions, and rally
against those threats that imperil my everyday existence.  This behavior was learned
at a time when, in my helplessness, I found little distinction in any of the choices
offered me.

Unfortunately, this learned helplessness functions as my null setting, and without vigilance it overwhelms and neutralizes  constructive behaviors- such as writing.  In many respects, I
have made a great deal of progress- a job, a home, and a wonderful wife, but I still deal
with a social situation that seems hostile and negating.

I guess the need for self expression is more important than I realized.  Time to work at
being me.