As to the question at hand, gender roles should be made to serve an individual's needs, rather than diminish what one feels and thinks. The main use of categories seems to be convenience; a mental classification that limits understanding and empathy. Once a person can be reduced to a label(or thing), the cognitive resources allotted for comprehension are much reduced. People are not so much gay or straight as they are desiginated as such; thus the squabbling over definitions produces much heat, if not much light.
Who we desire, and love depends the person, not the preconceived notions we try to impose.