Thursday, May 31, 2012

In tox vacation

For most of my the life, the burdens of conscience and consciousness have proven heavy and
difficult to bear.  The experience  of unrelenting thoughts spinning through the pathways of my
mind becomes uncomfortable after a short period of time; prompting me to distraction and the
dulling of my senses.  Whether sleep, reading, television or various forms of chemical intoxication;
I have sought a release from what seemed painful and pointless- obsessing over the minuscule
movements of my thoughts.  Like most other purges, however, I now find the results worse than
the condition I hoped to cure.

The inability to organize my thoughts with clarity and concision; a task I once found easy enough,
has become increasing difficult and vexing.  My line of work rarely asks for complex verbal or
written logical formations, instead demanding my attention be fixed on small and seeming trivial
tasks; but that could prove cause for dismissal if incorrectly executed.  Plenty of stress; little deep
thought or intense reflection- this has proven a formula for mental degradation, and dullness.

When my chief form of recreation has become inebriation; I know this pattern of life can't be sustained, and I find myself increasing agitated at the prospect of an empty skulled existence;
battered about by my bouts of poison consumption.  Physical habits become entrenched, the slow downward slope of decay stretches before me; the future looks to be a dim and dank path I blindly
follow without destination or hope of rescue.

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